You are my total circus; the elephants, the giraffes, the penguins in their button-down dress You are my mostly where what and my total why Most of the bluest of my blue-black sky But also the darkest of thunder clouds and hail A total circus needs the sun and a darkening moon, A way to see possible tomorrows and to catalogue every day's too certain sorrows. But always with yourself to touch and to hold my heart to your heart in the biggest of tents. You are my total circus. Yes, ma'am.
April 30, 2020
April 28, 2020
They weren't mama's boys; mama died before they walked. Karl and Ralph were shipped to Oklahoma before they talked. They saw their old dog Ben chasing the train before he finally disappeared in the downpour rain. But Karl and Ralph were tough as hail in a storm and learned to dig, plant and chop on a cousin's farm before they grew to 5 & 6 and jumped the midnight train in pouring rain to search and find a way back to Ben. Tossed from the train and cussed in hail and rain they walked, slept and begged their way back again to find the old farmstead and their dog named Ben. They slept at night in cursed cold with a simple jacket until they woke one morning to a hell of a racket as the old dog licked and turned, barked and growled and roused them from their sleep with a lonesome cry. These were mama's boys who walked and learned to howl.
April 27, 2020
I cannot really cope with my world. It is more than I think. Mostly, I continue in a fog but fortunately, people love me. At least as long as I smile, my brothers, both dead, still live. I am as much of them as anyone and know some things better. Our jobs, our lives, our entrepreneurship intermingled sometimes but never touched the heart of our trust or hope for each other. We were close, almost close, we sometimes worked and played, sometimes drank a bit, we relied, denied and finally will die. We were often stubborn, hopeful, drunk, loving and even wise. We exchanged advice, sometimes requested and sometimes not. Still, we listened to each other with half ear and total trust. Sometimes, despite gods, the world is too much for some of us.
April 25, 2020
We suffer from a lack of leadership. That's true. More, we suffer for continuing whacko leadership. And trump is too dumb to be a traditional Whacko! He has no sense of any reality but his imagined shit. And that shit is real, he contemplates on his pot and dumps his thoughts like turds among his staff.
April 22, 2020
I miss different people on different days; I miss my friends in so many twinkly ways. I miss my brothers tomorrow and yesterday. I smile more than cry, because my brothers did. I hang on every word I remember that they said. I can almost talk to them live on days of rain.
April 21, 2020
Sometimes I see best without a fat pen in hand. Maybe a bike ride through wetlands never visited before not knowing what I might see or who I could meet sometimes collecting favorite rocks from other bikers mostly folks sleeping along the railroad tracks not asking, mostly wanting to share what they had certain of gold in stone or magic in blessed rocks and glad for a chance to teach and talk their saving lore. I am blessed to have met and listened to such folks, I am double blessed to see them again and wave hello.
April 18, 2020
She circled round, back and forth, a virtuoso of hope, caged by memory, rearranging her ancient rocks in simple patterns on an endless path. She hummed at songs of birth, rainbows hugged into an apron of an always busy, swaying lap: distaccare tempo announcing death. Her perfect celestial math curved her summons of love to the unequal cruelty of the pretty April flowers planted around her porch. She might have seen her worth someday beyond the woven bars of her personal garden, a shrinking jail; but she never looked nor altered course.
April 10, 2020
The last time we spoke I may have seemed out of focus; maybe due to a swarm of locusts appearing from the northeast. The little devils want to feast on everything in the forest. (I've ended singing a half-tone higher from muddy-pies to sky-eye pies.) There needs no excuse, nothing is obscure; we are already almost past having a cure. We are always simply smart and focused on such flights as these luckless locusts. We are in charge.
April 08, 2020
April 07, 2020
April 05, 2020
. I am a joe named bill . . . I know when I am at top of a hill because every which way looks down. Some friends say, "look up, look up!" but vertigo spins me into looking down and I stumble like a twice-practiced clown. Except, I have no practice at all I am just a baby brother joe named bill and I am starting to tumble and fall, not quite deciphering up from down. I know when I am at top of a hill because every which way looks down.
I ain't behind nobody . . . So there. I ain't behind you. I know how to add 2+2 to 4 & sometimes I can triple it and wait for the score. It depends who's sits the table. My lead is certain; this ain't no banking game. If you're looking for some way out, don't look to me. I know my way. Some teach some learn; some march all day.